Today I would like to talk about being dependent on an ignorant, evil, selfish and pathetic person for any reason. Being dependent on a kind-hearted person may not be so painful, but being dependent on a person with the disgusting characteristics I mentioned can lead to irreversible psychological collapse. It should be considered as a broad scale that includes basic needs such as work, shelter, nutrition and survival. The degree of closeness of the people we depend on can also be very challenging. For example, you are having big problems with your family, but you need your family to survive. What would you do in such a situation? Would you do anything or would you prefer to get depressed and go to bed. I can imagine the method that most of us would prefer. The method that I had to choose; get depressed and go to bed.

I don’t like to listen to advice as if there is anything else to do. Either you succeed or you don’t. There are not many options anyway and the path is usually more or less clear. The fate of those whose path is not clear is unknown. I mean, for example, I don’t know if I will succeed. It is not as easy as saying “I trust myself and I will do it!”. If you have ever had to cry secretly in the room in the middle of the night, you know what I mean. I don’t have the strength to fight. That’s why I can’t even be friends with anyone. I don’t want to deal with the insults and cunning of a stupid person on top of all the problems. It’s already very difficult to survive.

The reason why I am so irritable and have a low tolerance for people is because of my experiences, of course. In countries with low levels of education it is very difficult to meet a decent mind. Everyone is after cunning. There are no good people. We can’t get very far this way. This kind of societies cannot make much progress and the Middle East is full of them. maybe we can exclude two countries that are trying to change… Qatar and Saudi Arabia, but the rest of the countries are absolutely unlivable. This is a very big problem. It’s a big problem for the future of the world. We are still trying to teach respect for people’s lives when we should be doing science. We are trying to explain that the false outdated ideas that people believe in are not really Religion and that the true religion rejects all these things, but in vain. People are deliberately walking on the wrong path and nobody cares.

It is often not in the person’s control to find a solution. If it was in one’s control, one would not be in need. I can feel that you are asking, “What then?” Honestly, what I have been trying to explain for three paragraphs is exactly this period of my life. I mean, if I could come up with a solution, I probably wouldn’t be daydreaming listening to music at 06.14 in the morning. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to think about to think about what to do. in short, I don’t know. there is another unpleasant point here.

Desperate people become more impatient. To give an example from myself, the more desperate I get, the more impatient I get, and this makes me more depressed. Somewhere inside me I feel like “I want to burn all the ships and end it all“, but somewhere else there are beautiful memories that might happen in the future. This dilemma is killing me. I am more likely to realize the first possibility because I don’t have the potential to create the future in the second possibility. I am overwhelmed by the desire not to want to live, I want to cry for hours, I feel like this ordeal will never end. Even if it does, this is an important part of the problem of “will the damage caused by years of poison be cured?“. Moreover, will my porobache pass? Or will it be forgotten because time has passed? It is not clear.