I have no money left because I lost all my money recently. I can’t even pay my phone bill. I am trying to solve the problem somehow by using the bank campaign. It is not even possible to work anymore because “compulsory military service” will cause bigger problems than I thought. I researched in more detail about the “pink document” I mentioned in my previous blog post. First of all, you have to be an LGBT person to get this document. Like being gay or transgender… The problem starts after you get this certificate. If you manage to get the certificate, you don’t have to do compulsory military service and that’s a good thing, but after that, especially when you start looking for a job, the realities of the Middle East swamp hit you in the face.

You cannot work in a public institution, you cannot work in most private institutions because wherever you go, one of the first questions asked is “Did you go to the military?”. If you say “I have a pink certificate”, you can go out without waiting for the answer because you will probably not be able to get a job.

If I don’t get the pink certificate, I have to stay in the same ward with dozens of men I don’t know and this is very painful for a man who feels like a woman. We need to discuss this situation in more detail.

Most of the people in the country where I live have no respect for people like me. They don’t give you a job because they think we are possessed. It would be nice if they didn’t think at all. Even within my own family there is no respect or tolerance for this situation. The consequences of this situation are very dangerous. All kinds of unfortunate things can happen to me. And psychologically I cannot resist it.

I’m trying to walk on a tightrope as sharp as a knife, the slightest mistake I make is more than enough to destroy me. It’s like my feet have no strength left to stand. I’m covered in wounds. A great hatred stares into my eyes. It beckons and drags me towards it. There seems to be nothing I can do. I can no longer walk, I try to crawl like a baby. The pain of helplessness pushes me into a deep sleep. The flame of power inside me is slowly losing its strength. Are all people bad or have I come across such nonsense? I don’t know the answer. I just want a power that can stand against everyone and achieve a relentless victory. I have to stand against all the scum.