First of all, it’s snowing outside and I’m warming up in my room next to the heater. It seems like a nice duo. Anyway, I opened a snapchat account about 1 week ago. When I opened the account, I never imagined that I would reach 5.003 followers in 1 week. Actually I thought snapchat was only for dating so I might be a little late to download it. No problem. My account is growing quite fast. So the last 1 week has been very promising. Apart from that, I decided to make changes in my “personal” accounts, so I deleted a lot of my posts on instagran and Tiktok. I am very undecided about what content to share. Because this is not a brand account but my personal account, so I have to think carefully about what to share. Especially if I can find an idea that I can share in the shorts section for Youtube, it will be quite good.

My personal life is still stable. There is no improvement in anything except social media. I am still struggling to pay my phone bill and there is still no way I can earn money and leave home and start my own life. So I can’t get out of depression, I’m unhappy and hopeless. I have no friends. I try to communicate with people but I don’t know if it is just me but in the Middle East nobody looks at a different person with respect and most of them hate you. I don’t feel sad because I care about these words, I feel sad for their helplessness. How can a person be so pathetic? We all have only one life.  We will all die one day. Is it worth breaking other people’s hearts?

Another thing that hurts me and makes me depressed is the thought and feeling of being dependent on these people. It makes me very sad to think about it. I feel like a loser. What am I going to do?

Another issue is compulsory military service… I still don’t dare to go to the hospital to get the pink certificate. I don’t know why, but I have a vague fear about everything. I am on a fine line between being afraid and not being afraid. Both sides are equally challenging. I don’t know which way to walk.

For now, I’m doing social media with the last of my strength. That’s all I can do. I ask God to create a miracle. I can’t get out of the situation I’m in on my own.

My blog posts are usually short because the messages I want to write are quite clear. Thank you for reading.