Problems have started to emerge in my country that frighten me and give me great fear for the future. The problems that already existed are now becoming more visible to the public. I am very angry with myself for not having managed to leave this country sooner. It will be very hard to live with the hope I have today. Everything is being restricted… Ideas… Actions… Plans… Social Media… Nothing is allowed. I don’t know what to do. I can’t do anything. Some young people who are caught are beaten and arrested. I don’t know how to fight this.

I’ve been working on my website and social media accounts for about 5 months now. It’s my fault that I haven’t managed to take a useful step… I failed… I couldn’t do it… I am a failure… I am ignorant… I am incompetent… That’s why I’ve been angry with myself for years. I’ve been depressed for years. I can’t love myself. I know it’s my fault.

When I think about the school I went to, when I think about the people I need, when I think about what I’ve been through, all reality hits me in the face one by one. I ruined myself because I couldn’t do it.

Is it all me? Of course not, but I’m the one living this life. When there’s a problem, I’m the only one who experiences its effects. No one else. Of course I will be sad. Life here is more horrible and desperate than you think. I can’t leave my room, I just post videos on my social media account and hope they will be seen. Believe me, that’s all I can do.

See you in my next blog post