Sudden Return to Myself: Embracing My Womanhood and the Power of Being Trans

Today, March 30, 2025, around 03:50 AM. For over a month now, I’ve been struggling with depression. It’s been consuming me, and tears have been pulling me deeper into a void. This emotional turmoil has led me to unintentionally suppress my womanhood. My true self, the one I long to embrace, seemed to fade away for a while. But tonight, suddenly, something changed.

I opened my suitcase, pulled out my women’s clothing, did my makeup, and stood in front of the mirror. In that moment, I found myself. It wasn’t just about clothes or makeup. I slowly embraced my true identity as a woman, and it gave me incredible peace. Sometimes, knowing how you would look in another body can be difficult to imagine, but what I feel now goes beyond being ugly or beautiful—it’s an expression of happiness. I am a woman. And this has been my greatest dream in life.

Reaching my female body isn’t just about appearance; it’s about finding my true self, both physically and spiritually. As a trans individual, I feel closer to that journey every day. Wearing women’s clothes, doing my makeup, and dancing to music afterwards… It’s all more beautiful than I ever imagined. I feel free, and right now, I’m dancing because I am happy. While doing this, I feel closer to both my womanhood and my trans identity. Being a woman isn’t just a physical transformation; it’s also a spiritual reflection of who I truly am.

For so long, I’ve been searching for my identity, and while each step has been challenging, now I feel that I am moving closer to it. Like many others, I’ve had moments of shame, hesitation, and hiding. Right now, I still don’t have the courage to be open in front of others. Maybe I can’t act this way in front of others yet, but one day, I’ll overcome that too. Doing so will not only free me externally but will also liberate me internally.

Today, and perhaps every day, the happiness I feel when I accept my identity and express myself authentically is indescribable. For a moment, even if just for today, I am at peace with myself. As a woman and as a trans person, I am claiming my life. I am slowly building my identity, and with each passing day, I am becoming more of who I am. Being at peace with myself is perhaps the most beautiful part of this journey.

I won’t extend this any further because, right now, I am living every second with gratitude. And perhaps the most important thing is, right now, I am feeling like my truest self.