The Silence of the Night: A Whisper of Desperation

April 6. It’s 2:49 AM.
I can’t sleep. There’s something heavy in my chest, a weight I can’t seem to lift. Tonight, I sent a message to a friend who’s in a better financial situation than me.
Maybe I shouldn’t have. Maybe I should’ve. I honestly don’t know. But in that moment, I couldn’t see another way.

So I wrote…

I explained it gently, with shame lingering between the lines—
That I couldn’t afford the medication I need for my gender transition.
And I asked… if they could help me, even just a little.

And then, I waited.
Waiting can be one of the heaviest things. In the silence, even your own thoughts can feel too loud.

After a while, I deleted the message.
“Forget it,” I told myself.
“Let it go. This isn’t how it’s going to happen.”
Maybe it was the wrong time. Maybe too soon, maybe too late. Maybe it was just a desperate confession… I don’t really know.
But what I do know is this: something needs to change.
Because I just want to live. To exist. To be myself.
That’s all.

And tonight, I realized once again—
Sometimes, being strong isn’t just about asking for help.
Sometimes, it’s about knowing when to let go.


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