Sometimes life feels like being trapped between two extremes.

One part of me whispers that everything is over,
While another part still clings to the will to live.
Somewhere deep inside, there’s still a sunny day,
And somewhere else, it feels like I’ve lost that sun forever.

I close my eyes to reality.
Because every time I open them, another dream crumbles.
Maybe in the world of giants, there’s no room for small dreams.
Giants trample hope without noticing,
And we, like crushed ants, stay silent.

I struggle… but why?
To escape?
To survive?
Or just to feel like I’m still alive?
Each time, I fade a little more.
Neither my heart nor my strength can take it anymore.

Pretending like nothing’s wrong — what a quiet kind of pain.
Forcing a smile — what a heavy weight to carry.
And in the end, surrendering to despair is such a silent rebellion.
A question keeps echoing in my mind:
“Is the end already decided?”
Or am I just lying to myself?

My chest tightens…
Is it just stress, or is something truly wrong?
If there’s going to be an end,
Let it not be this painful.

I walk among people,
But I feel like a walking corpse.
Neither my feelings,
Nor my body seem to matter anymore.
I want to reach out to someone.
But who is there?
Who could I turn to?
Who would understand,
What it feels like to act like you’re living,
While quietly fading inside?

A life shouldn’t be erased this easily.
An existence shouldn’t vanish this quickly.
But sometimes, the loneliness is so deep, so dark…
There’s no voice there, no hand,
Only me and the scream inside that never stops.

And still…
A tiny flicker of hope trembles within me.
I write to remind myself — I’m not alone.
Maybe someone will read this and say,
“I feel this too.”
And in that moment,
Maybe this loneliness will feel a little lighter.


—

One Day, Maybe the Last Time I Share My Blog Post

One day, maybe, I’ll share my blog post for the last time.
No one will know.
No one will know this poor soul.
This helpless, abandoned body.
A life full of pain and torment has become too much.
And maybe, one day, everything will end with silence.
The screams inside me will never be heard again.
Everyone will forget, no one will remember.
A loneliness that no one will ever know,
I’ll disappear.

And maybe, at the end of that day,
No one will have written for me,
No one will have understood the storm within me.
And maybe then,
All these writings will have been written,
Only to remind myself.
But when that day comes,
No one will know.


—

With Love

—AÇELYA—