I’m writing these words for the days when they will finally mean something. These days, I hate myself the most. There’s no guarantee I’ll even survive, and I don’t know if I truly have the will to live. There’s no desire left in me, and nowhere to go. Life drags me around like trash, tossing me wherever it pleases.

I wake up, eat something, and start listening to music. Sometimes we go outside… and sometimes I cry during those moments. Because none of this—this place, this family—feels like it belongs to me. Everything feels foreign. Everything feels wrong. And the hatred I carry for myself only grows stronger each day.

I’ve achieved nothing in this life. If I had been a little smarter, would I be here now? If I had been a little more human, would I still be this lost? It’s heartbreaking… to see the life I’m living. It’s heartbreaking… to see the people I’m forced to depend on.

I’m trying to survive at the deepest depths of helplessness and sorrow. Every day I wake up, I lose a little more hope for the future. And the music I listen to… I can’t even explain how much it helps. It carries me away to another world. A world where I can feel a glimpse of happiness. It’s as if I’m trapped in a prison, and music is the only window to the outside.

There are so many feelings I want to express… A whole world of unspoken words inside me, waiting. Maybe someday, someone will understand. Maybe one day, these words will touch someone’s heart.