Sometimes a phobia isn’t just a fear. Sometimes, along with that fear, you’re belittled, mocked, excluded. Not just because you’re afraid—but because your fear is seen as “silly” or “unimportant.” My phobia of insects, especially cockroaches, is one of those things. They may be tiny, but the storm they cause inside me is enormous. Is it fear? Disgust? I’m not even sure. All I know is that I deeply dislike them—and that I’ve been left alone with this feeling for far too long.

I didn’t grow up in a village. I grew up in the city. In a clean, orderly, controlled environment. Maybe that’s why the “reality” of nature always shook me a little. But I think it’s more than that. Because phobias aren’t always logical. Sometimes, they just are. And they grow with you.

Because of this phobia, I’ve been ridiculed at many points in my life. Even my family chose to laugh rather than try to understand. My friends… They mocked me, dismissed me, even insulted me just because I screamed or ran from a bug. “You’re overreacting,” “You’re so weak,” “How can anyone be afraid of a little insect?”

Yes. It’s possible. Because I feel it. And that feeling doesn’t go away with mockery. It doesn’t fade when people laugh. I’ve experienced firsthand how cruel people can be when the problem isn’t theirs. What’s a funny moment for them has often been hours of internal collapse for me.

I know this might seem like a small thing. Maybe with the right education or guidance in childhood, this fear could’ve been eased. But even as a child, when your emotions aren’t taken seriously… somehow you’re always the one to blame. “Too sensitive,” “spoiled,” “dramatic.”

I’m not.

I’m just human. And I have fears. Fears that aren’t small to me.

I still don’t know how to overcome my phobia. But I’m learning not to be ashamed of it. Maybe this piece is part of that process. Because healing sometimes begins with acceptance: I’m afraid, and that doesn’t make me any less valuable.

To everyone who feels like me: those who don’t understand you, don’t get to define you.