These days, my mind is filled with the past. I think I am responsible for my life falling so far behind.

I think about the opportunities I had in the past, maybe I should have tried harder, tried more. I shouldn’t have given up.
I think this way because I have forgotten the past so much… all the dreams and life philosophies that were at the center of my life a few years ago, the help I received from the future… 

Now they just stare at me in my mind. I stare back at them, and we all remain silent.
Neither they nor I utter a single word.
We cry as the minutes pass, thinking about the future we dreamed of, and we cry. We feel sorry for my numb heart. Still, not a single cursed word is uttered by anyone. Tears begin to fall from my bright red cheeks.

The warmth of the flowing tears silently screams how pitiful I have become.
I think about the books I read, the videos I watched, the late-night meals I ate, the walks home from school, the conversations with my friends, the music I listened to while making coffee, the times I went mad alone, I think about how hard I struggled while working, the dreams I built, the times I collapsed to the ground with the pain in my heart, the times I was exhausted from crying in my bed, the mother and father figures I created in my mind, the psychologist I went to reluctantly, my dreams of becoming a pilot, flying in the sky… I think about the endless landscapes I watched while crying, the first experiences I took with excitement, the dreams I saw, and the meanings I assigned to them. I’m going mad silently, my mind has enslaved me, as if it had sworn to cause me pain, but not by hitting or breaking! By crying in front of me. Looking into my eyes, sobbing uncontrollably… If it had struck me, it would have hurt less, I swear. My eyes are bloodshot from my helplessness. I think about how my mind has suppressed my feelings over time to protect itself. I am now a walking corpse.
A lonely, helpless, pitiful corpse. A lazy, parasitic, antisocial person who desires what they don’t deserve.