I haven’t posted a social media update in a long time.
It’s not because I forgot, of course.
Sadly, the truth is… nothing has really changed for months.
That’s why most of what I’ve been writing lately is filled with sadness and personal struggles.

Right now, I regularly create content on four platforms: YouTube, Instagram, TikTok, and now Reddit.
I’ve reached 152 subscribers on YouTube and over 2,400 followers on TikTok.
My Instagram, however, remains unchanged—with only 85 followers for months.
Despite posting reels daily, there’s been no growth. And that genuinely breaks my heart.
As for Reddit, I’ve been posting there for about a month now.
I’ve gained 21 followers and over 5,000 karma.
I interact with many different people there, and that honestly makes me feel a little better.

BTW,

November 14, 2024 ~ 0 subscribers
May 4, 2025 ~ 100 subscribers
June 16, 2025 ~ 150 subscribers

It took me exactly 170 days to reach 100 subscribers! It took me 42 days to go from 100 subscribers to 150 subscribers! That’s a pretty strange statistic. I’ve been working on my YouTube channel for a total of 210 days. 210 days. Omg. That’s why I need a spark. I hope to see the results of all this effort.

Lately, I’ve started investing small amounts of money into promoting my YouTube and TikTok accounts.
And I’ve decided to keep doing it consistently.
I need to spend every bit of money I have on this—
because surprisingly, it actually works.
It’s more effective than I expected.

To be honest, I’m waiting for a spark.
Just one spark is all I need for everything to finally fall into place.
And when that happens—
my blog and all my social media accounts will suddenly reach so many people.
I’m anxiously and excitedly waiting for that moment.

Now, about my mental state…
Lately, I’ve been calm.
But it’s the kind of calm that feels dangerous.
I feel powerless.
And when the general heaviness of my life combines with the negative developments in my country, everything just gets worse.

Everything is going badly—everything.
It can’t just be coincidence anymore.
It’s as if the universe is deliberately doing this…
But why?

I don’t even ask that question anymore.
Honestly, I don’t think much about anything these days.
I just dream.
And dreaming makes me feel a little better.

And if you add music while dreaming…
That’s when you really feel the depths of helplessness.