Introduction ✨

Life has been messy lately. I’m standing at a crossroads where every choice feels like losing. Social media has drained me, my motivation is slipping, and on top of that, I have an important exam ahead that could shape my future. But the price of success might be hiding who I am, while the price of failure might be losing everything.

⚖️ The Hardest Decision

I’ve tried almost every kind of content on social media, but nothing works. The lack of response pushed me into a spiral of depression. And now, with this exam approaching, I’m stuck.

If I pass, I’ll be able to work officially anywhere in the country. But working officially means following strict rules—rules that might force me to hide my gender identity. It could also mean letting go of my long-held dream of moving to America.

But if I fail? Then I won’t have a job, and the uncertainty terrifies me even more.


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🕊️ Fear vs. Freedom

It feels like a double-edged sword:

If I succeed, I’ll spend years hiding my true self.

If I fail, I’ll sink even deeper into hopelessness.


The real root of this is fear. I don’t want to hide anymore—I want to be free. Yet the absence of a solution drags me further into depression.

I know it’s not my fault that my identity makes me feel so powerless. But knowing this doesn’t change the reality. In the real world, knowledge isn’t enough. Action is needed.

And so, I do what I can, even knowing it may never be enough. And then… I cry. That’s all.