I’ve started to feel like I’m fighting less lately, and the reason is simple. When I listen to success stories, I realize that many people have no ethical boundaries. For example, people trying to grow their YouTube channels once bought fake subscribers, actors unfairly took roles, women marketed themselves as objects, men acted like mafias, and many people easily trampled on others’ rights just to make money. Apparently, the problem was me. Apparently, every path is considered acceptable until you succeed. Living in a world full of such contradictions feels strange.

Instead of living weakly, should we ignore ethical boundaries? Is the whole point really to do every possible wrong until you become successful? I’m just asking. Because I keep questioning why I haven’t succeeded. I’m looking for a reason — a logical reason. I don’t want to feel like a fool. Is this really what’s right?

My Process

I’ve been trying to create content on social media for years. My name changed, my website changed, but my story didn’t. I didn’t change. I’m still the same Açelya. I still haven’t been able to build an independent life. Of course I knew success would be difficult, but I didn’t know that being moral would be the biggest obstacle to success. I didn’t realize that being honest and decent could stand in the way of success. So what now? Because you know that my entire hope in this life is to have an independent life, to be a free woman, to go to America.

Is all this pain and hardship reasonable just to reach the level of people who were lucky enough to be born with a passport? The emotional collapse and depression I’m experiencing hurts me deeply. Only I truly feel this helplessness, because I am not just a few lines you read. I lived this way for months and years, a life almost like imprisonment.

That’s the important point: I lived it. I felt it. That’s why it’s impossible for me to fully make you feel it. I can’t describe the depth of my hopelessness and anger, or how big my hopes and dreams were. I am 23 years old, and I spent my entire life among extremely conservative, ignorant people. I lived in a small room. Now, even though I finally have a chance — even if only temporarily — to escape, feeling this powerless has caused me to lose my sense of wanting to live.

I want something to happen, but there’s nothing I can do. I sit in my room, sleep, eat, listen to music, and try to protect my mental health just to survive — but it feels useless. All my effort feels meaningless.

YouTube

Three days ago, I shared an update about my social media accounts. Now I want to add something about YouTube. My Shorts videos are absolutely not getting views. They don’t even reach 10 views. For reasons I can’t understand at all, they aren’t being watched or pushed forward. It’s not a problem I can solve, because it’s not in my control. The only thing I can do is keep posting Shorts and wait. I change SEO settings, but still nothing happens.

For almost a year, I’ve kept posting while constantly changing my content, yet I still haven’t gotten any results. Not a single video has taken off. I’ve never received any return for my effort.