I’ve realized that my writings are quite depressive. It wouldn’t be wrong to say that many people see this as exaggerated, but I’m writing the truth. I write in whatever psychological state I’m in during the day — neither more nor less. I don’t write what should be, I write what is. Mine is not a fake success story, but a strange “road walked with hope,” even though tomorrow itself is uncertain.
There are some feelings I want to write about. Have you ever felt detached from the place you live in, as if you don’t truly belong to it? Have you ever felt that your own culture seemed strange to you? Has that ever pushed you into depression? I wish we could speak without censorship. I would really like that. What I want to write would be quite heavy and offensive for many people, so I don’t want to take the risk of writing those things. I hope that one day I will be in an environment where it’s possible to do so.
In a world where the truth is not openly expressed, can there ever really be a future? Weren’t all wars fought for freedom? Wasn’t that the whole point?
What happened that people became unable to listen to the truth? Why is there so much pain? Why are there so many greedy and disgusting people? Why are there so many criminals? And why do people play the role of the three wise monkeys in the face of all this? I don’t understand.
Even if you don’t like it, an individual struggle against these things is not really possible. Establishing proper communication with people on the other side of the world and struggling together is extremely important.
Anyway… what am I even talking about? I’m unhappy. I’m depressed. These days I’m thinking about starting English education. Let’s see how successful I can be by just reading without talking to anyone. How will I succeed when I’m already hopeless at the beginning? I don’t know. If I knew the step-by-step things that need to be done, maybe it would be easier, but I’m sure such a sequence doesn’t really exist, because everything is interconnected after all. You have to learn and use all the knowledge in an interconnected way.