I want to tell you a little about my father. I want to talk in detail about why I don’t love him. By the end of this post, I hope you’ll understand where I’m coming from. Please listen to what I share with empathy.

I think we need to go back to the period spanning my childhood through the beginning of adolescence. As I get older, everything I lived through starts to feel more meaningful — all the pieces fall into place. There was absolutely no sacrifice involved, contrary to what people say.

**His religious beliefs and mindset**

To understand how a person thinks, we first need to understand how they practice their religion — did they research it themselves, or do they believe simply because their parents did? That’s a very important question, and the answer is just as important. Most people I’ve seen around me believe in the same religion as their parents simply because their parents believed in it. Is there really any difference between someone born Christian in England and someone born Muslim in Iran? Both believe the other is going to hell — but why? You hold the beliefs of the country you were born into purely by chance. You can’t possibly think you’ve earned paradise for that reason alone. This is why you should research the religion you follow and make the decision yourself.

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I want to summarize the mindset of people in my own geography for those of you who hold different beliefs.

— First of all, they believe everyone who is not Muslim will go to hell.

— Some Muslims believe that Christian children and babies who die will be created as slaves in heaven.

— They believe that if you are gay or trans, you deserve to die or be tortured.

— “Don’t use their dishes; if you have no choice, wash them first” — this is something said about Christians and people of other faiths.

— They believe women cannot leave the house without their husband’s permission, that any woman who goes out with her hair uncovered will be tortured in hell, and that a man may marry four women and have unlimited concubines. I’ll share a few sayings classified as hadith so you can understand the religion’s perspective on women:

*”If I were to command anyone to prostrate before another human being, I would have commanded the wife to prostrate before her husband.”*

*”Three things break one’s prayer: a donkey, a dog, and a woman.”*

*”Women are deficient in mind and religion.”*

This is the religion my father and the people around me follow. I remember him cursing at a transgender person he saw and telling them they were condemned to hell. My father is a disgusting, vile person.

Now don’t misunderstand me. None of what I’ve described appears in the Quran. The Quran says none of this. These things come from the hadiths, and Muslims worship the hadiths, not the Quran. Nearly every country in the Middle East is like this. I wanted you to know.

**Causing me to grow up wrong**

I wasn’t always a self-aware and self-accepting individual. Influenced by all this nonsense around me, I spent my adolescence seeing myself as condemned to hell, and out of fear I couldn’t tell anyone what I was going through. It destroyed my mental health. My father is generally indifferent, never keeps his word, careless, selfish, cowardly, and dull. He has never known how to stand up for himself and is someone other people openly mock. He constantly says he has sacrificed so much for me, but what he did had nothing to do with sacrifice. You need to understand what sacrifice actually means. If I had never been born, nothing in their lives would have changed — they would not have become wealthier. For the two plates of food placed in front of me, I thank only God. My parents were obligated to put that food there. By bringing me into this world, they already accepted that agreement. And yet they even bring that up as something done for me. What a great sacrifice. Ridiculous. He says everything he does in the normal course of life he does for me. If he gets a biscuit or a juice box at work, he says “look, I didn’t eat it, I brought it for you” and calls that sacrifice — but when it truly comes to sacrifice, he is absolutely revolting. When it comes to money, they give me just enough to survive and nothing beyond that. Not once in my life has anyone invested in any hobby of mine or cared to. Even when I needed to study, he would only bring practice books from his workplace — no one ever gave me money to buy them. He didn’t care about my problems. He didn’t talk to me. Whenever anything was discussed, he always did exactly what he wanted and simply pretended to listen. Nothing more. Every act of kindness he performed came through someone else’s initiative. Every single thing I experienced, without exception, was exactly like this — and yet he says he did it all himself.

And that’s not all. He is incredibly hot-tempered. He and my mother don’t love each other — they’re together out of obligation, constantly fighting, cursing at each other, wishing ill on one another. I can’t even imagine what the years before I was born were like. They don’t explain things to me because they know I would hate them even more for it. At the dinner table I once heard my older sister say: *”You used to beat our mother!”* His personal hygiene and self-care are virtually nonexistent. He has never known how to take care of himself. He doesn’t care about my needs, but when he wants something, he sulks like a child toward everyone at home. You can’t even imagine what I’ve been through or how much I’ve cried. This was my whole life.

He is deeply cowardly. When he retired from his job, he couldn’t even claim his severance pay. As I said, he doesn’t know how to stand up for himself — he’s like a meek cat outside but turns into a lion the moment he walks through the door. The greatest punishment of my life has been the family I was born into. I won’t even get into my mother — I don’t even speak the same language as her despite living under the same roof. A mother from whose mouth I have never heard anything good, only curses and ill wishes.

They believe they are destined for paradise. And they believe it with a certainty that would leave you speechless. They believe a God whose existence they’ve never even questioned will place them in heaven.

**The moment you begin to understand**

Everything eventually comes together to form the full picture. The false image they painted for you as you were growing up eventually reveals its true face. Many of them are devils hidden behind a mask of innocence. Remember — every wrong that is done comes wrapped in a justification and is said to have been done for your own good. The kindnesses they showed me were never help. They were simply part of a cursed plan designed to control me. When the time comes, remember — every good thing done for you will be turned into a weapon. Let them strike you with it. Just walk over, look them in the eyes. Don’t give up. At least be able to say you tried.

My father bears full responsibility for every opportunity I missed in my entire life. I believe some people have a kind of fog in their minds — and he is exactly that kind of person. He does everything he does with full awareness, yet acts as though he has no idea what he’s doing. He makes promises about something, tells you to wait, and when the time comes, he doesn’t follow through and shifts the blame onto someone else. He has been this way his entire life. A disgusting man.

In this post I didn’t even get into the superstitions they believe in. Everything I’ve shared barely scratches the surface — there are many other things that happened, some of which I can’t write about as they could have legal implications. So I’ll assume you understand what I mean. Thank you.