I deleted 84 videos from my YouTube channel. Well — I was forced to delete them.

I’m devastated. But I had no other choice.

If I hadn’t deleted them, the channel I’ve been pouring my heart into for a year would have been terminated. So I did what I had to do.

On April 1st, 2026, one of my videos received a strike. I was at the grocery store when I found out — and I genuinely didn’t know what hit me. The moment I got home, I filed an appeal. It was rejected in under 10 minutes.

I tried reaching out to Team YouTube on Twitter. I posted about it, and they responded quickly — said they were looking into it. But that was the last I heard from them. The strike was never removed.

The next day, things got worse. Another video received a strike. At that point, it was clear: they were going to keep coming. And if I let them, my channel would be gone. So I deleted all 84 of my remaining underwear videos before they could take everything from me.

Only my Dresses videos survived. 62 long-form videos and 59 Shorts. That’s what’s left.

Some of those deleted videos had over 5,000 views. I worked on this channel for a full year. And just when things were starting to pick up — just when some of my videos were finally breaking 5K — this happened.

I’m writing this on the night of April 3rd, just a few hours after the deletions. I changed the thumbnails on my remaining long-form videos. Tomorrow I’m going to do nothing. I’m just going to sleep.

I’m already going through a rough patch with my mental health — depression has been creeping back in lately — and this has made everything so much heavier. I don’t know what I’m going to do next. I just know I feel awful right now.

The only small light I can see right now is a potential opportunity in April that I’ve been quietly hoping for. I suddenly find myself clinging to that hope more than ever — because I need it, practically and emotionally. Especially for the plans I have for this blog.

I posted on Twitter again, tagging YouTube. They don’t care.

From now on, I have to be more careful. I have to protect what I still have.

I don’t feel okay right now. I hate everything right now. But I’m still here, still writing — and maybe that counts for something.