I have a few projects in mind, one of which is, of course, “Adriana’s Wings,” and there’s another project I haven’t mentioned but is constantly on my mind. I won’t say what it’s about, but I eagerly dream of it coming to fruition. These days, I can barely feed myself, let alone work on a project. There’s not even a shred of individuality or freedom in my miserable life.

I try to understand what life means to some people, but it’s a futile effort because I am one of those people. No one believes me, but no matter what I do, it doesn’t help; I can’t find a job because someone is always interfering with my rights… I’m only 22, and when I ask myself what I’ve experienced so far, not even the slightest memory comes to mind. My entire youth has been spent helplessly in a small room. I’ve lived a miserable life, nothing but a youth spent constantly trying to get up to walk out the door.



I constantly waited for support from people, thinking I would at least get what was rightfully mine, but even that didn’t happen. Months passed, seasons passed, years passed… I continued to go crazy and get crazier. At the end of the day, I couldn’t even find a doctor to tell my troubles to because they used even that against me.

Now my only purpose in life is to find the strength to keep going because I lost it a long time ago. Every day I wake up brings me nothing but torment.
I am not happy to be alive.

I’ve made plans to harm myself countless times, I attempted it once, but I couldn’t even do that. What you don’t understand is that you think there is hope. It’s very easy to say “there are other ways” without knowing someone else’s life.

I am literally living in a prison, and I can’t see a way out of here. Everything is extremely difficult for me, and on top of that, most people don’t know about my trans identity. If it comes out, which it definitely will… Then what will I do? I don’t know, there’s no escape from here without a miracle.

“If I escape from here, it will be a miracle, and if you don’t say how it happened, it’s definitely a miracle.”

What’s worse is that I constantly suppress the depression inside me and keep it inside, which makes things even harder for me. It makes everything even more difficult.  As I write this, I’m doing what I usually do: listening to music and drinking energy drinks. I know it’s bad for me, but it’s the only thing that makes me feel good; it numbs me. Then, of course, I was pouring my helplessness into words of hatred… Later, I started to become quiet, and now I just cry, silently.
I used to pace around my room with anger and hatred, but once I realized my helplessness, only sadness remained, and that silences a person.