🌙 Ten Days of Silence, Small Steps, and Silent Battles

❤️‍🔥 I hadn’t written a blog post in ten days. Honestly, I just didn’t want to repeat the same things over and over again. Depression, hopelessness, daydreaming… The classic me, and my classic depressive mood, once again took control of my life.

⚡ Session Details

First session: November 11, 2025
Second session: November 18, 2025

The day before each session, I shave my whole body and face.
The first time I shaved, it took me three full hours, and I was exhausted.

A funny part?
I thought the shaving machine didn’t work properly — because I was using it wrong.
I didn’t know I had to remove the protective head. I shaved one entire arm with the protective cover on, and it still somehow worked. Once I removed the cover, everything became incredibly easy.

Shaving my whole body felt strange at times, but overall it made me feel so much better. It was absolutely worth it.

The next day, I used my IPL device for the first time. I tried different power levels — there are 5 in total, plus an automatic mode.

During the first session, I didn’t know about the auto mode, so I did everything manually on level 3. I still felt pain on some spots.

For the second session, I pushed myself a bit more:
I used level 5 on auto mode, for my entire body and face.
The pain on my hips was terrible, but I still did it — even twice on some spots.

I know it won’t show results immediately. Everything I’ve read says it takes months.
So I’ll continue doing sessions weekly and monitor the progress after every shave.


🖤 The Depression That Never Ends

I don’t want every blog post to be about depression.
Even though I go through really heavy phases, I don’t want my entire blog to be filled with sadness.

Sometimes I try to feel better by secretly wearing the clothes I bought, but I might just be fooling myself…
Doing everything secretly makes me even more depressed.

I want to live freely.
Without fear.
If I were fully a woman already — if transitioning came without obstacles — I wouldn’t have created this blog at all.
I’m writing now because I need people to hear my voice.

I’m not wise enough to read fate, but I know one thing:
Nothing I say will change destiny. Whatever is meant to happen will happen.

Still…
After everything I’ve lived through, I know I deserve a good future.
Of course I think that — it’s my life.
Who thinks badly of themselves?

There are so many things I need to do, but I have no energy for any of them.
All I can manage right now are small steps…
And it’s just not enough.