Values are in kg.

January 10: 82.9
January 11: 83.0
January 12: 82.8
January 13: 83.4
January 14: 83.3
January 15: 82.6
January 16: 82.9
January 17: 83.4
January 18: 83.1
January 19: 82.9
January 20: 83.4
January 21: 82.5
January 22: 82.4
January 23: 82.3
January 24: 82.8
January 25: 82.3
January 26: 82.7
January 27: 82.2
January 28: 82.5
January 29: 83.0
January 30: 82.4
January 31: 82.3

February 1: 82.5
February 2: 82.5
February 3: 81.9
February 4: 81.9
February 5: 82.5
February 6: 82.3
February 7: 82.5
February 8: 82.0
February 9: 82.0
February 10: 81.7

I think I’m not even close to the result I wanted. I thought I could lose at least 5–6 kg, but when I look at the average, it seems like I’ve lost at most 1.5 kg. The reason is actually simple: I’ve been depressed for a long time, and all I did was eat. I wasn’t taking care of myself and I didn’t care. Suddenly entering a one-month diet process was difficult for me. During this time, I tried to get used to not eating. I’m sure the next month will be much easier, because I will continue until I reach the weight I want.

Right now, the weight I want is around 70 kg. I’m thinking of staying around that range, and of course, when I start hormone treatment, I want breast and hip development, so I guess it’s better not to become too thin.

Since the topic is open, I have big hopes for this year. I don’t know why, but I have very big hopes for 2026. I feel that something important will happen, that my life will change, and that I will finally be free. How will it happen? I don’t know, but it has to happen. I’ve been patient for so many years that I’ve turned into a stone of patience.

At the end of 2025, I started doing laser hair removal at home, then the diet followed. Maybe these are messages sent to me by my future self — I don’t know.

I really want to be beautiful. There is a type of woman I want to become in my mind, but I can’t predict what will happen. Maybe I’ll be much more beautiful. What matters here is that I like myself. If I like myself, then there is no problem. That is my goal.

I want to start the gender transition process as soon as possible. I want to be a woman now.

Independently of everything else, I constantly keep myself busy, but all of this is just to keep myself alive — I do these things to continue living.
It’s a kind of defense mechanism.

Because reality is extremely painful.