500. As of today, I’ve reached 500 subscribers. It’s already been well over a year since I published my first video. I never expected to be creating content for this long — I probably told myself I’d get bored within two months, but that’s not what happened. I’m still creating. I’m still writing on this blog. I’m still telling people my story. One day I’ll read these blog posts and feel proud of myself. I’ll read them with pride knowing I did this. At least that’s what I hope. 🧚‍♀️

If you check my recent YouTube videos, you’ll notice I’ve made changes to the thumbnails. For the dress videos I post on Wednesdays and the compilation videos on Sundays, I’ve designed custom thumbnails. For the Monday and Friday videos I pick the thumbnail directly from the video itself, so that they have their own distinct space on the channel. Right now I’m just waiting for the views to come — I’ve done more than my best on both my blog and my YouTube channel. I’m working on Instagram too, but TikTok is currently sitting on the sidelines with nothing to show for it. My videos aren’t getting views on TikTok. It’s frustrating.

I’d obviously love to have more subscribers, but I think everything will happen step by step. Learning to produce content consistently took time. I’ve gained the experience I needed for that, so now the rest is just a matter of faith. 🧚‍♀️

Reaching 500 subscribers during the month of Ramadan sparked a little hope inside me — it’s a blessed month after all. Why does 500 matter? Because the first requirement to unlock monetization is 500 subscribers, and the other condition is either 4,000+ watch hours or 3 million Shorts views. Since I don’t post Shorts, I’m counting on completing the 4,000+ watch hours. The truth is I need to build an audience. Views on a single video are never enough — I need to be watched consistently.

Finally, I want to start sharing my own photos on my personal Instagram account, but since I haven’t been able to begin my transition yet, I’m not ready to do that. I also want to build an influencer account by posting Reels. Since I’ve done this before, I don’t think it’ll be too difficult. The real goal is making money, and the path to that runs through my YouTube channel.

On an emotional level I’m going through a difficult period, and the reason is the hatred I feel toward the people around me. Knowing the kind of people they’ll turn into when they find out about my gender identity, I can’t stay calm. Whatever happens, I’ll do everything in my power. When money is no longer a problem for me, I’ll do it in front of everyone. You can count on it. 🙂