Since November 8, 2024, I have been blogging. Honestly, when I started writing these blog posts, I could predict that I would make many changes in this process. What I could not predict is that my psychological crises would be so severe. I feel myself in a dead end, as always. It feels good to blog from time to time. Even if no one reads my feelings for now, I am sure that one day these writings will have some importance. There are much more important problems right now. I don’t even have the strength to stand up anymore because of the depression I am going through. I am constantly weak, my head hurts, even my eyes hurt, I feel sleepy all the time, even getting out of bed and washing my face feels like persecution. I swear all the time inside. I curse everything and everyone. I’m not trying to fulfill my dreams, I’m trying to survive because I don’t have even the slightest desire to live in my mind. All my mind cells have already thrown themselves off the cliff. Even the hormone “Dopamine” which is supposed to give me happiness is depressed because I haven’t heard from it for a long time. It’s like feelings of hatred and helplessness have formed a harmony and built a 1000-room palace in my mind. I should destroy that palace, but every atom, which is the reflection of my existence in the material world, seems to admire that palace. I climb to the top with slow steps, but not out of curiosity. From the most beautiful room of the palace, I look at the beauty of this rotating piece of stone called Earth and feel sad. With each step I take, the last grains of energy left in my body begin to fade away.

You must be wondering what I’m talking about? I have no idea either :D

I’m just trying to show that I’m depressed. I have no hope that things will get better. Life in the Middle East is not easy. To make your own life here, especially in the time period I was born in, is quite fictitious. Either you are born rich and already have everything you want, or you are unlikely to succeed. I don’t have much to say. Because I have no hope.