Before that, I sent my blog post to AI to voice a screenshot .

( 19 Days and Prisoners )

It has nothing to do, but think I wrote it because it’s so much in harmony with my life. ( AI works 😅 )

Today is February 18, 2025. Yesterday I wrote a diary about my feelings after dressing as a woman. Today I want to write about my depression. I have been experiencing depression for a long time, but the last 2 years have been very intense. Especially in the last 6 months, I have been crying almost every day due to depression. Sometimes I cry out loud, sometimes silently. Sometimes I cry for minutes, sometimes for hours. Sometimes I cry at home, sometimes outside. Sometimes I cry while lying down, sometimes while sitting, sometimes while standing.

The reasons for my depression are many. First of all, I am not happy with my life. My life is not going well at all. I am not happy with my job, my income, my house, my health, my appearance, my relationships, my future. I feel like a failure in every aspect of life.

Secondly, I am not happy with myself. I don’t like my personality, character, behavior, thoughts, feelings. I feel like a bad person in every aspect of myself.

Thirdly, I am not happy with the world. I don’t like people, society, culture, politics, economy, environment. I feel like everything is bad in every aspect of the world.

All these reasons make me feel hopeless and helpless. I don’t see any solution or improvement for my problems. I don’t believe that things will get better or change. I don’t have any motivation or energy to try or fight.

I tried to cope with depression in various ways. For example:

I tried to distract myself by watching movies or series.

I tried to comfort myself by eating or drinking something nice.

I tried to express myself by writing or drawing something.

I tried to relax myself by sleeping or meditating.

I tried to cheer myself up by listening to music or playing games.

But none of these methods worked well enough for me. They only provided temporary relief or escape from reality.

I also tried to seek help from others in various ways. For example:

I tried to talk to someone about my feelings or problems.

I tried to ask someone for advice or support.

I tried to join someone in an activity or event.

I tried to learn from someone about their experiences or perspectives.

I tried to connect with someone through social media or online platforms.

But none of these methods worked well enough for me either. They only provided superficial interaction or distraction from loneliness.

Finally, I tried to change myself in various ways. For example:

I tried to improve myself by studying or working hard.

I tried to challenge myself by taking risks or facing fears.

I tried to reward myself by achieving goals or celebrating successes.

I tried to accept myself by forgiving mistakes or embracing flaws.

I tried to love myself by appreciating strengths or valuing uniqueness.

But none of these methods worked well enough for me either again! They only provided partial satisfaction or illusion from reality!

So here we are! After all these attempts and failures! Still depressed! Still crying! Still hopeless! Still helpless! Still alive!”