Today, I want to talk about another movie: “In Between.” It was released in early 2022, and I remember watching it during its very first weeks. It was a production that affected me more than I expected, even though it didn’t have an extraordinary plot… It focused on a young girl named Tessa who loses the love of her life, Skyler, in a car accident. Tessa, who tries to communicate with her deceased boyfriend after the accident, was a photography enthusiast. She would take pictures of everything and reflect on them; she loved to capture a moment first and then make up a story for it.
So, what was it about this movie that touched me so deeply? Was it her being a young girl? Her freedom? How sweet she looked while pursuing her hobby? Her womanhood? Or was it the calm atmosphere of the film? Her family? I’m trying to understand exactly what captured my interest, but I think the answer is the sum of it all. Everything I mentioned. Without focusing on the story itself, I just watched it, over and over again… And then, of course, there is the music of the film; I don’t even know how many times I’ve listened to it. How many times have I daydreamed? I can’t understand why I spend so much time in my mind. Perhaps it’s the weight of unfulfilled dreams, or the psychological scars left by my experiences. With every memory, I collapse a bit more; I feel more damaged, and there is no one beside me—I am utterly alone. I close the door and lie on my bed. Why is it like this? I am living a life that I struggle to overcome, a life so grim that if I had never lived it at all, I wouldn’t feel a grain of regret.

Night Rituals and the Struggle for Existence

It’s nearing midnight, and I am slowly shifting into the ritualistic mood I enter every night. I put on my headphones and lose myself in my daydreams. I feel crushed under the weight of all the dreams that could have happened but didn’t. I wish I lived a life where I wrote this blog only as a hobby. Adriana’s Wings, acelya.blog, and the dozens of projects existing in my mind… Each one is a struggle for survival, a fear of the future, an effort to build my identity, and a battle to never be dependent on another human being. Do these seem like just a few meaningless lines to you? It doesn’t matter; maybe they really are. Maybe I am nothing more than an asocial person living inside their own head.
I remember “In Between” and many others. Looking back now, I realize how heavy and intense my emotions were at that time. It’s as if there is a child living there, calling out to my current self for fear of being forgotten, giving advice that I fail to follow, making mistakes all over again. One day, when I look back on these times, I want a life where I am surprised at myself for succeeding. I want it to be important for me, not for anyone else. I can’t even write blog posts as much as I used to. I only focus on my YouTube channel and daydream while listening to music. I strive for things to get back on track, but every time the result is as disappointing as expected.
I have a desire to write a book if I were knowledgeable enough, though I wonder if I could see it through to the end. I’ve been blogging for a year and a half, so I have at least learned how to persevere—even in my hardest moments, even when I was struggling just to survive on my own. Everything is truly strange, isn’t it? During this process, I fought with my best friend, met someone else and then cut off contact, applied for jobs that led nowhere, went on vacation and wrote many blog posts there… I told the stories of the series I watched and the music I listened to. I explained the changes I made to my blog, social media, and especially my YouTube channel. I talked about my phobias, my favorite things, my crypto experience, my family issues, and even my endless cycle of buying and selling laptops and tablets. I told everything. I told my story, everything I’ve lived through…
Thank you for reading.